DO NOT WANT!!!

Why, do the smart guys insist on teach things to bees? And why hasn't Hollywood decided to remake movies that play on our irrational apiphobia? I mean, really, we are long overdue for a robotic bee apocalypse film, but I digress.

So, they have now trained bees to recognize human faces. (pausing for effect) Yes, my thoughts exactly. We are now very close to having little apidae assassins, trained to know exactly who to sting to death!

Oh thanks Jumbo. You can just rock me tae sleep tonight.

Now We Know What Really Killed the Dinosaurs

There has been much speculation over the years as to what caused the mass extinction of the dinosaurs. Everything from a ginormous meteor impact to a sudden drop in their food supply, to some dude running around and picking them off with high tech weapons.

However, the truth is apparently vastly more sinister, and frankly cooler, as shown in this photograph snapped on the streets of Los Angeles this very morning by @TheAnimeGoddess.


As reported by the ever-vigilant and eagle-eyed purveyor of all things gamey, geeky and google-eyed, it is obvious from this modern cave person drawing (on the street in front of the La Brea Tar Pits no less) that giant robots killed the dinosaurs. Don't you feel better now? Wait, but if the giant robots killed the dinosaurs, what killed the giant robots? Never mind. Everybody panic!

Coming Soon to a Wannabe Vampire Near You...

I saw this sign at a Hot Topic on Saturday and will just let it speak for itself.

No. You do not want to look like Edward Cullen. Period. Just stop. Seriously. K thx!

C'thulhu's boogers are taking over the oceans! Everybody panic!

There really isn't much you can say about this except: barf, retch, gross, puke, hurl, I'm never going in the ocean again or "Oh look mommy! It's a great massive snot reef!"


Please take a moment and cast your eyes on what is a naturally occurring and utterly disgusting phenomenon that is apparently getting worse.

And if you think I'm over reacting, these things are now known to carry E. Coli! And while Ocean Born Mucilage might be a great name for a song by Cannibal Corpse, I wouldn't want to swim in it!

These things get to be over 100 miles long. A one hundred mile long loogie!?! That is just RONG! I don't care if these things occur naturally (and have been since the early 1700's at least), they are utterly and completely nasty! Quick, someone dump a megaton of Guaifenesin into the ocean, stat!

Why is today's Google Doodle freaking me out?

True story. I logged on to Google this morning and felt a very oddly disquieting feeling when I did (yes, I am sure you have a joke to insert here) but I didn't really think much of it. Then I went back to Google a little later and had it again. Ok, now this is really strange. Then I saw this tweet from @deadprogram, which explained it perfectly:

"For some reason, the Google barcode logo frightens me. Maybe it was the barcode tattoos from Terminator?"

And that's it! Today's newest Google Doodle is just a barcode but its simplicity over the sparse negative space of the all-white background was off putting. (shudder) Guess I will have to go and Ask Jeeves today. ; )

(Thanks to Ron @deadprogram Evans for the inspiration!)

Hypersonic Screaming Teenage Girls: The Second Wave of Twilight Multimedia Mass Hysteria is Upon Us

OMGOMGOMG Twilight! Robert!/Edward! Bite me please Edward! swoon!

Remember those kinds of psychotic reactions of fan-girls and their moms around the country last year when the hype-machine for "Twilight" kicked into overdrive? Well, buy some 35db earplugs and stay away from any mall with a Hot Topic, because the "Eclipse" movie is imminent and with it comes the Scene It? Twilight Edition game for the Nintendo Wii.

(Pause) Can you just imagine what a Scene It? Twilight game night would look like? I will do my best to describe it:

The scene: Any suburban house where an Edward-obsessed teen girl and her equally Edward-obsessed mom are having a night of fun with some friends while playing this game. The first shot of Sparkle Boy comes on screen (insert a chorus of screams that border on the range of which only dogs can hear in) and a fight breaks out over who buzzed in first. Hair is pulled. A Wiimote gets thrown. A lovely plasma TV has said-Wiimote buried in its display (Oh the humanity!) and the evening ends in a cat-fight the likes of which could never be filmed, even in a Russ Meyer movie, with both sides screaming "Team Edward!" "No! Team Jacob!". (Fade to black)

So, if you are a sibling/offspring of/in a relationship with a Twilight fanatic, be ready to endure more of this for the next few months. Of course you could always head over to the full on awesome of the Jinx website and buy this:

(And no, I got zero kick back from Jinx for this plug and yes, I bought one of these!)

Nooooo, my Precioussss... Gollum Found Dead on Beach!

Frodo Baggins and Sam Gamgee unavailable for comment

OMG! What is that, thing!?! I tell you what it looks like, is everyone's favorite corrupt Hobbit, Smeagol, better known as Gollum! Whatever it is, it allegedly came out of a cave on a beach in Panama and freaked the hell out of a group of teenagers who saw it. The "news" report says the kids threw rocks at the thing and tossed the body in the ocean. It wasn't until adults came back and found the bizarre corpse washed up on the shore that we get these pictures. Now, to be fair, let's consider the source, and the fact that for some reason, every time some creature that everyone freaks out about washes up on a beach somewhere, the corpse somehow vanishes. The original article doesn't say what happened to this one, but in my opinion, if you have a ring of power lying about anywhere, keep it secret, keep it safe.