C'thulhu's boogers are taking over the oceans! Everybody panic!

There really isn't much you can say about this except: barf, retch, gross, puke, hurl, I'm never going in the ocean again or "Oh look mommy! It's a great massive snot reef!"


Please take a moment and cast your eyes on what is a naturally occurring and utterly disgusting phenomenon that is apparently getting worse.

And if you think I'm over reacting, these things are now known to carry E. Coli! And while Ocean Born Mucilage might be a great name for a song by Cannibal Corpse, I wouldn't want to swim in it!

These things get to be over 100 miles long. A one hundred mile long loogie!?! That is just RONG! I don't care if these things occur naturally (and have been since the early 1700's at least), they are utterly and completely nasty! Quick, someone dump a megaton of Guaifenesin into the ocean, stat!

Nooooo, my Precioussss... Gollum Found Dead on Beach!

Frodo Baggins and Sam Gamgee unavailable for comment

OMG! What is that, thing!?! I tell you what it looks like, is everyone's favorite corrupt Hobbit, Smeagol, better known as Gollum! Whatever it is, it allegedly came out of a cave on a beach in Panama and freaked the hell out of a group of teenagers who saw it. The "news" report says the kids threw rocks at the thing and tossed the body in the ocean. It wasn't until adults came back and found the bizarre corpse washed up on the shore that we get these pictures. Now, to be fair, let's consider the source, and the fact that for some reason, every time some creature that everyone freaks out about washes up on a beach somewhere, the corpse somehow vanishes. The original article doesn't say what happened to this one, but in my opinion, if you have a ring of power lying about anywhere, keep it secret, keep it safe.

DO NOT WANT!

If the end of the world, whether by robots, zombies, meteors or cute and fuzzy bunnies happened tomorrow, I would NOT eat this!

Carnivorous Plants Capable of Eating Rats

Yes, you read that right. Giant, freaking, carnivorous plants, large enough that they are able to trap and consume rats. Rats. Ok, last time I checked, rats are bigger than most people's hands, so really, what the scientists who found this new breed of pitcher plant in a little jungle of horrors in the Philippines should really be saying is: "hey, maybe you shouldn't stick your hand in there." Ok, at this point, I think I would rather be on the losing side of a robot uprising than the possibility of a killer plant uprising. Thank you to reader Moxie for the lead on this particular panic inducing story!

Science Resurrects Prehistoric Spiders

That intentionally "whip you into a needless frenzy" headline is on purpose. Because in truth, the smart people who do things like this have only done so by way of 3D X-Ray technology. Which, looking at these evil looking monsters, is already crossing the line. These things are gone for a reason (and thank goodness too).
The article about these 8-legged nightmares doesn't say how big they got, but putting the words pre-historic and spider together conjures images I would much rather not think about. Fortunately, no one is trying to clone one of these. Yet.