Brave Briton Battles Voluminous Vespidae Villa

If I ever meet British pest controller Sean Whelan, I am going to buy the man a couple rounds of whatever adult beverage he chooses, because in my opinion, this guy is one of the bravest punters around. Why? Because he took on this, and lived!

That, my friends, is a wasp nest. Not just any wasp nest. But the BIGGEST one ever found in all of the Queen's England! The bloody thing measured six FEET by five FEET and was the humble abode of over half a million wasps. (At this point, the writer nearly faints from the prospect).

What is even better, was pest controller Whelan (at this point I shall call him the Right Honorable Protector of the Public Sean Whelan, Special Wasp Squad) had already taken out seven other nests in the attic of a Southhampton pub, before he realized what the last one was, simply because it was so utterly, terrifying ginormous.

The local Smart People in Lab Coats (scientists/experts/people who wear lab coats for fun and profit) say it got so big because of the mild spring and relatively dry weather. I for one am with Corporal Hicks on this one when I say, pub or not, I say we take off, and nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

DO NOT WANT!!!

Why, do the smart guys insist on teach things to bees? And why hasn't Hollywood decided to remake movies that play on our irrational apiphobia? I mean, really, we are long overdue for a robotic bee apocalypse film, but I digress.

So, they have now trained bees to recognize human faces. (pausing for effect) Yes, my thoughts exactly. We are now very close to having little apidae assassins, trained to know exactly who to sting to death!

Oh thanks Jumbo. You can just rock me tae sleep tonight.

Robotic Bees!?! Worst, idea, EVER!

I can't say this any clearer other than DO NOT WANT! I hate bees. Period. And not even cute, animated bees either. Anything that flies and stings you is not my friend. So when I read this opening line of a news item this morning imagine how I felt:

"Harvard researchers recently got a $10 million grant to create a colony of flying robotic bees." Ok, did no one ever watch bad nature-run-amok movies in the 70's where bees killed everyone? So, combine that with a SkyNet scenario and you have, yep, you guessed it; an awesome idea for a movie!

Really though, I am just saying most of this in jest, and yes I did read to the end of the article where they say the bees won't have stingers, but still, when you read that scientists "will create robotic bees that fly autonomously and coordinate activities amongst themselves and the hive, much like real bees" doesn't that just sound like the opposite of a good idea? The operative word there being "autonomously". So, we are just going to create robotic buzzy bumbles and let them do their thing? Cool. I for one do not welcome our future buzzing robotic overlords, even though the science on these looks pretty amazing.

*Disclaimer: This blog is meant as a bit of fun. If you didn't take it as such, please go have your Sense of Humor adjusted. The author is not some looney who thinks all robots are out to destroy us. He is however deathly afraid of bees and would gladly take off and nuke the hive from orbit, just to be sure. Props to @Murphix for giving me the beebee jeebees by sending me the original article.

Science Resurrects Prehistoric Spiders

That intentionally "whip you into a needless frenzy" headline is on purpose. Because in truth, the smart people who do things like this have only done so by way of 3D X-Ray technology. Which, looking at these evil looking monsters, is already crossing the line. These things are gone for a reason (and thank goodness too).
The article about these 8-legged nightmares doesn't say how big they got, but putting the words pre-historic and spider together conjures images I would much rather not think about. Fortunately, no one is trying to clone one of these. Yet.

Scorpions On a Plane. Klaus Meine and Rudolf Schenker Unavailable for Comment

I will not use a cliched epithet uttered by one of our generation's greatest acting talents (Samuel L. Jackson) to describe this story. Nope, you can't make me. It's safe to say though Douglas Herbstsommer of Gilbert, AZ will be more careful packing his carry on baggage in the future, after being stung by a scorpion which had hitched a ride in his bag. Seems the mama scorpion gave birth to a brood of five more little stingers mid-flight to Indianapolis. Southwest Airlines did the sensible thing and fumigated the plane after it landed, it was the only way to be sure. The arthropod involved in this panic was a venomous Arizona Bark Scorpion. German metal band The Scorpions were not involved as they are currently on tour in Europe.