PAX Swine Flu Outbreak Update: 100 confirmed cases of Hamthrax

Um, well, ok, this is, how would you say? Zomgwtfbbq! Everybody panic! Run to the hills! Get a surgical mask! So the people at PAX have come out and said there are 100 confirmed cases of swine flu amongst its attendees. As someone who has contracted what was heretofore only colloquially known as "Nerd Flu" (now lovingly being glossed with the epithet "H1Nerd1" virus) I can honestly say that being in close quarters with thousands of people at a convention, makes it exceedingly easy to catch something airborne.

That said, it will be interesting to see where this goes and how many people will end up getting sick or distributing the piggy sniffles to others. Granted Swine Flu could be much worse than it has been so far, it is still nothing to sneeze at (hey-oh!). I will say that I believe the fashion trend for the rapidly approaching Tokyo Game Show is going trend into the area of geek-tastic and fashionable surgical masks, something which could even spill over into next year's E3. So, unless the minority of convention goer's who insist on going when they are ill don't change their mouth-breathing tendencies, your booth babes may start looking like this.


Hey wait, not too shabby actually!

Man, I give this whole thing a sphincter-factor of about 9.5!

Hurricane Fred spins up in the Atlantic!

Ok people, this is very serious! Hurricane Fred is out in the middle of the Atlantic, and you know what that means. No, it doesn't mean make fried pineapple rings (though that sounds really good). It means aliens who use water-based technology are about to surface and/or send mile high waves to destroy us. Oh come on! Haven't you ever seen "The Abyss"!?! According to the brilliant and very underrated performance by Jimmie Ray Weeks as Leland McBride: "Well it's official sportsfans. They're calling it Hurricane Frederick and its going to be making our lives real interesting in a few hours." And wouldn't you know it, just a few pages of script and film reels later and what do you know, there's waves that no self-respecting practioner of the endless summer would ever dream of riding. So, if you know anyone on an oil platform in the Atlantic, ask them to tweet you if they see any Russian Water Tentacles. Kthx!

Hamthrax @ Pax! - Gabe & Tycho unavailable for comment

Everybody who went to PAX panic! Ok, maybe that's too alarmist. How about, my friend went to PAX and all I got was lousy swine flu? Seriously though, it has been confirmed by doctors that there was someone at PAX who had swine flu. There are lots of jokes made about video game conventions giving attendees what is colloquially termed as "Nerd Flu" but this isn't funny. Swine flu is nothing to laugh about, so if you were there or have been in contact with someone who has, and you don't feel well, you might want to call your doc and let them know.

DO NOT WANT!

If the end of the world, whether by robots, zombies, meteors or cute and fuzzy bunnies happened tomorrow, I would NOT eat this!

I for one welcome our future ursine robotic overlords

Aw, isn't it cute? A robot bear, designed to help nurses lift patients in hospitals. Now the panicky out there will say, oh great, more soldiers for the future robot uprising. I think perhaps these cuddly bearbots will be the ones to carry us to our battery pods and plug us into a power plant. Either that or there are fierce mandibles beneath that cute exterior. Let's just hope their creators have programmed them with at least #1 of Asimov's Laws of Robotics!

"Icicle Deaths Eliminated By New Ice Melting Technology Gutter Guard"

Please note the first two words of the above headline from a new press release out today: Icicle deaths. Now I am not trying to make light of what is obviously a very real danger where there is snow, but having never lived in such climes, I had never really given much thought about it, till now. And frankly, hearing about it and seeing pictures like this made me think: icicles should be wiped out! Well fortunately, the good people at Gutter Glove can do just that, with their new ice-melting gutter guards! Whew, that was close. No need to panic. At least till it snows. And now I am going to go out and be a Svengali for a new death metal band I'm forming called Icicle Death. I think they could very easily open for Slayer and Megadeth. Just sayin'. (Thanks to John of You Are Hated for the inspiration!)

Carnivorous Plants Capable of Eating Rats

Yes, you read that right. Giant, freaking, carnivorous plants, large enough that they are able to trap and consume rats. Rats. Ok, last time I checked, rats are bigger than most people's hands, so really, what the scientists who found this new breed of pitcher plant in a little jungle of horrors in the Philippines should really be saying is: "hey, maybe you shouldn't stick your hand in there." Ok, at this point, I think I would rather be on the losing side of a robot uprising than the possibility of a killer plant uprising. Thank you to reader Moxie for the lead on this particular panic inducing story!