Supermassive Black Holes May Destroy the Universe - Dr. Reinhardt Unavailable for Comment

Well the headline pretty much sums it up. Some Smart Guys crunched some really freaking large numbers to calculate "total entropy of everything in the universe" and say supermassive black holes (those things that look cool in Disney movies, but can't be actually seen) are the main factors for so much entropy in the universe. And here I thought it was all Autontune's fault.

So the smart guys say there are 10¹⁰⁴ units of entropy out there in the great void. Sweet. Now can we like bottle it as a heat source? You think I'm kidding, because these scientists say if the universe ever hits maximum levels of entropy it means heat death for everything. In the word's of Neil the Hippy, "Wow! Heavy!".

And apparently its these supermassive black holes (also a good song by Muse) that are to blame. Because when they eventually burn out, they will release lots of entropy that can lead to the previously mentioned heat death. Are you still with me? Ok, so should we panic? Nah. Because it takes 10¹⁰² years for one of these gravity monsters to burn out. How long is that? Well I think its around the time we will actually get to play Duke Nukem Forever. The bigger issue is: If these people can figure this stuff out, where the hell is my flying car and jetpack!?!

Zombies and Health Care Protestors on Hollywood Blvd

True story. So last night, as I am driving down Hollywood Blvd., I saw not one, but two curious sights. First was the Zombie Walk celebrating the release of "Zombieland". Cool. Hundreds of people in zombie make up lumbering down the street. Then, on the opposite side of Hollywood, was a health care protest. A rather smaller group of people who just don't get it, but still, enough to fill the corner of Hollywood and Highland. Then it gets weird.

A rather old looking hippie type was on the side of the street where the zombies were, instead of with his cohorts. Well, one rather enterprising zombie decided to take this protester's sign and tear it up. Well, I mean, he was obviously a victim of health care right? Being a zombie and all. Well, Mr. Hippie didn't care for this and started to get all up in the decaying grill of the zombie. That is when a group of zombies began surrounding the hippie. Well, he made a hasty retreat away from the undead to say the least.

This inspired me. I rolled down my window, and when the light turned green and I drove past the protesters, I screamed as loud as I could at them: "Don't worry about health care! Worry about the zombies!". I laughed. Very hard. :)

Hypersonic Screaming Teenage Girls: The Second Wave of Twilight Multimedia Mass Hysteria is Upon Us

OMGOMGOMG Twilight! Robert!/Edward! Bite me please Edward! swoon!

Remember those kinds of psychotic reactions of fan-girls and their moms around the country last year when the hype-machine for "Twilight" kicked into overdrive? Well, buy some 35db earplugs and stay away from any mall with a Hot Topic, because the "Eclipse" movie is imminent and with it comes the Scene It? Twilight Edition game for the Nintendo Wii.

(Pause) Can you just imagine what a Scene It? Twilight game night would look like? I will do my best to describe it:

The scene: Any suburban house where an Edward-obsessed teen girl and her equally Edward-obsessed mom are having a night of fun with some friends while playing this game. The first shot of Sparkle Boy comes on screen (insert a chorus of screams that border on the range of which only dogs can hear in) and a fight breaks out over who buzzed in first. Hair is pulled. A Wiimote gets thrown. A lovely plasma TV has said-Wiimote buried in its display (Oh the humanity!) and the evening ends in a cat-fight the likes of which could never be filmed, even in a Russ Meyer movie, with both sides screaming "Team Edward!" "No! Team Jacob!". (Fade to black)

So, if you are a sibling/offspring of/in a relationship with a Twilight fanatic, be ready to endure more of this for the next few months. Of course you could always head over to the full on awesome of the Jinx website and buy this:

(And no, I got zero kick back from Jinx for this plug and yes, I bought one of these!)

Nooooo, my Precioussss... Gollum Found Dead on Beach!

Frodo Baggins and Sam Gamgee unavailable for comment

OMG! What is that, thing!?! I tell you what it looks like, is everyone's favorite corrupt Hobbit, Smeagol, better known as Gollum! Whatever it is, it allegedly came out of a cave on a beach in Panama and freaked the hell out of a group of teenagers who saw it. The "news" report says the kids threw rocks at the thing and tossed the body in the ocean. It wasn't until adults came back and found the bizarre corpse washed up on the shore that we get these pictures. Now, to be fair, let's consider the source, and the fact that for some reason, every time some creature that everyone freaks out about washes up on a beach somewhere, the corpse somehow vanishes. The original article doesn't say what happened to this one, but in my opinion, if you have a ring of power lying about anywhere, keep it secret, keep it safe.

PAX Swine Flu Outbreak Update: 100 confirmed cases of Hamthrax

Um, well, ok, this is, how would you say? Zomgwtfbbq! Everybody panic! Run to the hills! Get a surgical mask! So the people at PAX have come out and said there are 100 confirmed cases of swine flu amongst its attendees. As someone who has contracted what was heretofore only colloquially known as "Nerd Flu" (now lovingly being glossed with the epithet "H1Nerd1" virus) I can honestly say that being in close quarters with thousands of people at a convention, makes it exceedingly easy to catch something airborne.

That said, it will be interesting to see where this goes and how many people will end up getting sick or distributing the piggy sniffles to others. Granted Swine Flu could be much worse than it has been so far, it is still nothing to sneeze at (hey-oh!). I will say that I believe the fashion trend for the rapidly approaching Tokyo Game Show is going trend into the area of geek-tastic and fashionable surgical masks, something which could even spill over into next year's E3. So, unless the minority of convention goer's who insist on going when they are ill don't change their mouth-breathing tendencies, your booth babes may start looking like this.


Hey wait, not too shabby actually!

Man, I give this whole thing a sphincter-factor of about 9.5!

Hurricane Fred spins up in the Atlantic!

Ok people, this is very serious! Hurricane Fred is out in the middle of the Atlantic, and you know what that means. No, it doesn't mean make fried pineapple rings (though that sounds really good). It means aliens who use water-based technology are about to surface and/or send mile high waves to destroy us. Oh come on! Haven't you ever seen "The Abyss"!?! According to the brilliant and very underrated performance by Jimmie Ray Weeks as Leland McBride: "Well it's official sportsfans. They're calling it Hurricane Frederick and its going to be making our lives real interesting in a few hours." And wouldn't you know it, just a few pages of script and film reels later and what do you know, there's waves that no self-respecting practioner of the endless summer would ever dream of riding. So, if you know anyone on an oil platform in the Atlantic, ask them to tweet you if they see any Russian Water Tentacles. Kthx!

Hamthrax @ Pax! - Gabe & Tycho unavailable for comment

Everybody who went to PAX panic! Ok, maybe that's too alarmist. How about, my friend went to PAX and all I got was lousy swine flu? Seriously though, it has been confirmed by doctors that there was someone at PAX who had swine flu. There are lots of jokes made about video game conventions giving attendees what is colloquially termed as "Nerd Flu" but this isn't funny. Swine flu is nothing to laugh about, so if you were there or have been in contact with someone who has, and you don't feel well, you might want to call your doc and let them know.