DO NOT WANT!!!

Why, do the smart guys insist on teach things to bees? And why hasn't Hollywood decided to remake movies that play on our irrational apiphobia? I mean, really, we are long overdue for a robotic bee apocalypse film, but I digress.

So, they have now trained bees to recognize human faces. (pausing for effect) Yes, my thoughts exactly. We are now very close to having little apidae assassins, trained to know exactly who to sting to death!

Oh thanks Jumbo. You can just rock me tae sleep tonight.

A Tornado Warning is Up for So Cal - NOW you can panic!

(((Pretend you hear the Emergency Broadcast System sound effect)))

In the words of Mike The Cool Person, this is actually very serious! The National Weather Service has issued a Tornado Warning for a good chunk of The OC and South LA County. A Warning is different than a Watch, because a Watch means a tornado could possibly happen. A Warning means a spinning cloud of destruction "has been seen or picked up by radar." Someone get Helen Hunt on the phone!


The best part is the Warning says the best place to be in a tornado is in the basement. Uh, ok, last time I checked Sparky, no one in So Cal has a freaking basement! They tend to fill with debris during those shaky things we get here.

All joking aside and as a service to my massive readership, at least one of you is in the area affected. Plan accordingly.

(((UPDATED)))

Um, yeah, ok, so no joking, apparently they are urging people to get off the beaches (what the hell is wrong with you people who are there!?!) and Newport Beach is getting 72 mile per hour wind gusts. In the words of Philip Seymour Hoffman, "it's the wonder of nature, baby!"
(guitar solo at 1:52 by Ritchie Blackmore of Deep Purple, "Child in Time" because I know that is exactly what you were needing to know right about now.)

(((UPDATED again)))

A car was flipped, windows smashed, and a chunk of roof taken off by "probably" a tornado says the National Weather Service!?! Oh good, well, at least it wasn't a Cloverfield attack. Sheesh.

Now We Know What Really Killed the Dinosaurs

There has been much speculation over the years as to what caused the mass extinction of the dinosaurs. Everything from a ginormous meteor impact to a sudden drop in their food supply, to some dude running around and picking them off with high tech weapons.

However, the truth is apparently vastly more sinister, and frankly cooler, as shown in this photograph snapped on the streets of Los Angeles this very morning by @TheAnimeGoddess.


As reported by the ever-vigilant and eagle-eyed purveyor of all things gamey, geeky and google-eyed, it is obvious from this modern cave person drawing (on the street in front of the La Brea Tar Pits no less) that giant robots killed the dinosaurs. Don't you feel better now? Wait, but if the giant robots killed the dinosaurs, what killed the giant robots? Never mind. Everybody panic!

Kangaroo Tries to Drown Man - Rolf Harris Unvailable for Comment

Forget about a zombie apocalypse or robots taking over. What you really need to fear is the killer kangaroo! While I've never been to Australia, I'm rethinking ever wanting to go there. Besides the ginormous great white sharks, bird eating spiders and roving gangs of leather-clad dudes driving cars with no body panels, now there are murderous kangaroos afoot!

This is Chris Rickard. He got pwned by a kangaroo while trying to save his dog from a dam. Not only did Rickard get the holy tar kicked out of him by the startled roo, the presumably cute marsupial tried to drown him by holding him underwater!

Apparently the old Australian stockman of whom this song speaks meant it when he said to tie his kangaroo down, sport!

We are one step closer to being ruled by robo-cats!

Dear Smart Guys, you built a computer (and a freaking monster one at that!) for the sole purpose of simulating the brain of a cat? Yes, yes, I know its all in the name of science, but a cat? You realize that cats are vastly smarter than you give them credit for right? They are only a prehensile tail or opposable thumbs away from claiming their rule over humanity. Heck, it was you smarties who figured out that cats control humans already! As someone who is routinely awoke at inappropriate hours so that She Who Must Be Obeyed When She Wants Noms can eat, I think you have gone about this the wrong way. Why not build a computer dog brain? That way when the AI gains sentience it only wants to play and lick your face! So, I am going to be the first to turn my back on the humanz and sign up to have whisker and tail implants for the impending Catbotpocalypse.

(In case you can't read binary, the lol-puter above is saying "I can has cheezburger?")

Asteroid whizzes past Earth at a distance of ZOMG!

Oh doesn't this just make you feel all warm and cuddly. The other day, an asteroid came within 8,700 miles of Earth. 8,700 miles people! The moon is a quarter million miles away. That, in horse shoes and hand grenade terms, is close. The best part? The Smart Guys didn't even know about this particular chunk of space rock, till 15 hours before it was on top of us. Yes, yes, I know. Asteroids fly by us all the time. And this one was actually fairly small and would have gone poof in the atmosphere. But still, seeing the graphic from NASA reminds me a little too much of the time the Bugs dropped one on Buenos Aires. Would you like to know more?

Avian Airforce Bread Bombs Large Hadron Collider - Quote from the scene: "Dough!"

Ok, so the giant machine with the giggle inducing name is offline again. Yeah, yeah, it would be news if it wasn't. This time, it was caused by a bird. No, really. A bird apparently dropped some bread onto a piece of equipment on the exterior of the ridiculously large science experiment, causing it to shut down. So, should we feel better or panic that some wayward wheat toast can make this thing shut down so easily? I'm still on the fence about it. Now if it were a coconut that fell on it, I would definitely be concerned, because everyone knows that European Swallows aren't migratory.