GIANT BIRDS STALKING NEWS READERS!

Australia has giant spiders and giant sharks, but nothing comes close to the giant seagulls!

I've always wanted a hurricane named after me

Well actually, I still think storms should be named after women (call me old-school that way), but, since this is the first major hurricane named after me, I'll take it, especially since its an ass-kicking Category 5!

(AP Photo/NOAA)

Fortunately, this bad boy will likely decrease in strength to a Category 2 before it makes landfall, which is good. Growing up in a hurricane zone, I used to track these things with my dad, back before the internet made early warning a breeze. Here's hoping any one in my, err, its path is prepping for it.

Coming Soon to a Wannabe Vampire Near You...

I saw this sign at a Hot Topic on Saturday and will just let it speak for itself.

No. You do not want to look like Edward Cullen. Period. Just stop. Seriously. K thx!

C'thulhu's boogers are taking over the oceans! Everybody panic!

There really isn't much you can say about this except: barf, retch, gross, puke, hurl, I'm never going in the ocean again or "Oh look mommy! It's a great massive snot reef!"


Please take a moment and cast your eyes on what is a naturally occurring and utterly disgusting phenomenon that is apparently getting worse.

And if you think I'm over reacting, these things are now known to carry E. Coli! And while Ocean Born Mucilage might be a great name for a song by Cannibal Corpse, I wouldn't want to swim in it!

These things get to be over 100 miles long. A one hundred mile long loogie!?! That is just RONG! I don't care if these things occur naturally (and have been since the early 1700's at least), they are utterly and completely nasty! Quick, someone dump a megaton of Guaifenesin into the ocean, stat!

Robotic Bees!?! Worst, idea, EVER!

I can't say this any clearer other than DO NOT WANT! I hate bees. Period. And not even cute, animated bees either. Anything that flies and stings you is not my friend. So when I read this opening line of a news item this morning imagine how I felt:

"Harvard researchers recently got a $10 million grant to create a colony of flying robotic bees." Ok, did no one ever watch bad nature-run-amok movies in the 70's where bees killed everyone? So, combine that with a SkyNet scenario and you have, yep, you guessed it; an awesome idea for a movie!

Really though, I am just saying most of this in jest, and yes I did read to the end of the article where they say the bees won't have stingers, but still, when you read that scientists "will create robotic bees that fly autonomously and coordinate activities amongst themselves and the hive, much like real bees" doesn't that just sound like the opposite of a good idea? The operative word there being "autonomously". So, we are just going to create robotic buzzy bumbles and let them do their thing? Cool. I for one do not welcome our future buzzing robotic overlords, even though the science on these looks pretty amazing.

*Disclaimer: This blog is meant as a bit of fun. If you didn't take it as such, please go have your Sense of Humor adjusted. The author is not some looney who thinks all robots are out to destroy us. He is however deathly afraid of bees and would gladly take off and nuke the hive from orbit, just to be sure. Props to @Murphix for giving me the beebee jeebees by sending me the original article.

Why is today's Google Doodle freaking me out?

True story. I logged on to Google this morning and felt a very oddly disquieting feeling when I did (yes, I am sure you have a joke to insert here) but I didn't really think much of it. Then I went back to Google a little later and had it again. Ok, now this is really strange. Then I saw this tweet from @deadprogram, which explained it perfectly:

"For some reason, the Google barcode logo frightens me. Maybe it was the barcode tattoos from Terminator?"

And that's it! Today's newest Google Doodle is just a barcode but its simplicity over the sparse negative space of the all-white background was off putting. (shudder) Guess I will have to go and Ask Jeeves today. ; )

(Thanks to Ron @deadprogram Evans for the inspiration!)

Supermassive Black Holes May Destroy the Universe - Dr. Reinhardt Unavailable for Comment

Well the headline pretty much sums it up. Some Smart Guys crunched some really freaking large numbers to calculate "total entropy of everything in the universe" and say supermassive black holes (those things that look cool in Disney movies, but can't be actually seen) are the main factors for so much entropy in the universe. And here I thought it was all Autontune's fault.

So the smart guys say there are 10¹⁰⁴ units of entropy out there in the great void. Sweet. Now can we like bottle it as a heat source? You think I'm kidding, because these scientists say if the universe ever hits maximum levels of entropy it means heat death for everything. In the word's of Neil the Hippy, "Wow! Heavy!".

And apparently its these supermassive black holes (also a good song by Muse) that are to blame. Because when they eventually burn out, they will release lots of entropy that can lead to the previously mentioned heat death. Are you still with me? Ok, so should we panic? Nah. Because it takes 10¹⁰² years for one of these gravity monsters to burn out. How long is that? Well I think its around the time we will actually get to play Duke Nukem Forever. The bigger issue is: If these people can figure this stuff out, where the hell is my flying car and jetpack!?!

Zombies and Health Care Protestors on Hollywood Blvd

True story. So last night, as I am driving down Hollywood Blvd., I saw not one, but two curious sights. First was the Zombie Walk celebrating the release of "Zombieland". Cool. Hundreds of people in zombie make up lumbering down the street. Then, on the opposite side of Hollywood, was a health care protest. A rather smaller group of people who just don't get it, but still, enough to fill the corner of Hollywood and Highland. Then it gets weird.

A rather old looking hippie type was on the side of the street where the zombies were, instead of with his cohorts. Well, one rather enterprising zombie decided to take this protester's sign and tear it up. Well, I mean, he was obviously a victim of health care right? Being a zombie and all. Well, Mr. Hippie didn't care for this and started to get all up in the decaying grill of the zombie. That is when a group of zombies began surrounding the hippie. Well, he made a hasty retreat away from the undead to say the least.

This inspired me. I rolled down my window, and when the light turned green and I drove past the protesters, I screamed as loud as I could at them: "Don't worry about health care! Worry about the zombies!". I laughed. Very hard. :)