A Spokesbot for the Fleet of Triangular Space Ships Could Not be Reached for Comment

Will someone please explain to me why exactly THIS happened?!? I mean, come on! We have a fleet of triangular space ships to protect us from these things for a reason! Right?


Personally, I think we would be much safer if we just left Ben Affleck in space to protect us from these things. What's that you say? It should be Bruce Willis? Um, hello? You can't send Bruce Willis! He has to protect us from a giant planet-killing planet thing in, oh, about another 253 years. Sheesh.

Asteroid whizzes past Earth at a distance of ZOMG!

Oh doesn't this just make you feel all warm and cuddly. The other day, an asteroid came within 8,700 miles of Earth. 8,700 miles people! The moon is a quarter million miles away. That, in horse shoes and hand grenade terms, is close. The best part? The Smart Guys didn't even know about this particular chunk of space rock, till 15 hours before it was on top of us. Yes, yes, I know. Asteroids fly by us all the time. And this one was actually fairly small and would have gone poof in the atmosphere. But still, seeing the graphic from NASA reminds me a little too much of the time the Bugs dropped one on Buenos Aires. Would you like to know more?

When worlds collide!

EVERYBODY IN THE PAVO CONSTELLATION SYSTEM PANIC!

In the words of Leeloo, "Boom! Big badda boom!" Smart people with telescopes have found that one planet got too close to another in the recent stellar past. Well, no, lets be accurate. One planet smacked the holy living heck out of another in a planetary collision that not even Michael Bay could possibly commit to film. Those same scientists say this is similar to how our Moon formed, when something the size of Mars smacked little baby Earth upside its newly formed noggin. My favorite quote from the article above is the description of the collision: "a huge fiery blast, over in the blink of an eye and full of fury," which reads like a Twitter-review of a rock concert.

Everybody on Jupiter Panic!

See that white spot on our largest neighboring planet? Something hit it. Something big enough to leave a scar in the atmosphere of the Jovian planet the size of Earth! The HAL9000 was unavailable for comment at press time. What is awesome about this is an amateur stargazer in Australia was the one who spotted the results of the impact. Ahem, can I just say right here that perhaps we need more telescopes looking for things that go boom when they hit planets? Just sayin'.

Rogue Black Holes - Not Just a Good Name for a New Spinal Tap Album

Scientists say hundreds (HUNDREDS!) of massive rogue black holes are hanging out at the edge of our Milky Way galaxy. Well isn't that just spiffy.

But these same really smart people also say: "The Earth appears safe, however, with the closest rogue black hole thousands of light-years away."

Oh yes, I feel so much better now. So long as I get a cool floating robot to go with me when I'm spaghettified.